


Signs of Affection

by DarkWaterFalls



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Coming Out, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, Drunkenness, Gift Giving, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Love Bites, M/M, Meeting the Parents, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Overhearing Sex, Public Display of Affection, Self Care, Signs of Affection, Sleeping Together, Surprises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-07 19:33:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 8,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5468381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkWaterFalls/pseuds/DarkWaterFalls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of short drabbles for the Signs of Affection meme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Touch

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Schadenfreudessa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schadenfreudessa/gifts).



> This is for Jess, who has been stressed this week and deserves some happiness.
> 
> I'm also trying to warm up my writing, so I hope to be posting a few of these a day for the next while.
> 
> From the [Signs of Affection meme.](http://geeky-jez.tumblr.com/post/110670088193/signs-of-affection-romance-prompt-meme)

Jack notices all the changes that Bittle has made to the house. Yes, it’s cleaner. Yes, there is actual food being cooked in the kitchen. Yes, he now has somewhere to sit and study that isn’t his room.

 

But there are smaller things. There’s always enough soap in the bathrooms, and that somehow includes his and Shitty’s bathroom? There are also small bottles of hand cream snuck into cabinets all over the house. Bitty eventually admits that they’re his, and admirably puts up with the “soft hands” chirps.

 

He earns the praise properly when he manages to deke Jack during an afternoon scrimmage a few weeks afterwards.

 

This leads to Jack noting the bottle of moisturiser in Bitty’s room, gear bag and roadie wash bag. He knows that Bitty applies after every shower, and never complains of the chapped hands and lips that plague Jack during the winter.

 

So Jack wonders, how soft is Bitty’s skin?

 

Where would it be softest?

 

He has to bite his tongue during Spring C when he gives Bitty a piggyback. His hands curl firmly under Bitty’s knees, and he's hoping that Bitty is drunk enough not to notice his thumbs stroking the blond hair, so much softer than Jack’s own.


	2. A Gift

Jack turns up in Georgia bleary-eyed and apparently blindsided by the heat the minute he steps off the plane, sticky with sweat and annoyingly still smelling amazing, Bitty thinks he already looks overwhelmed before they even make it to the car.

 

Bitty slings Jack’s old duffel, the same one he used all the time at Samwell, into the trunk and hops into the driver’s side as Jack begins to fiddle with the air con. Jack gives him a faintly pleading look as his hand touches the temperature dial.

 

Bitty sighs, feigning a put-upon expression, “I suppose, you poor ice creature.”

 

***

Jack gets swept up in the picture hurricane in the kitchen of Bitty’s parent’s home before relaxing into one of the kitchen chairs like he belongs there, like he isn’t still melting from the heat. Despite jack’s relaxed expression, Bitty can see the sweat beading on Jack’s forehead as he leans his hip against the table beside him.

 

Jack has a Falconers cap clutched in his hand, which he quickly shoves onto Bitty’s head as he stands up and says, “Come on Dicky, show me where I’m sleeping, eh?”

 

Bitty rolls his eyes and adjusts the cap. “Well,” he starts seriously, “we couldn’t fit a bed into the chest freezer, so you’re gonna just have to make do with the spare room.”


	3. A Fantasy

If Bitty is honest, there are numerous reasons why Jack being gone from Samwell is terrible, and that the list keeps growing day by day.

 

And one of them is quite obvious to him when Jack skypes him after the Falconers win the second round of their playoffs. They’re going into the conference finals, off the back of two seriously difficult wins against the Bruins and the Rangers, and Jack looks stretched in a way Bitty has never seen him before.

 

But he’s also elated, excited and delighted with himself, so Bitty is just happy to be chatting to him.

 

And totally not being distracted by a solid five week’s worth of hair growth on Jack’s face.

 

Nope, not at all.

 

Nope.

 

Damn.

 

They say goodbye once Jack starts yawning too much, and Bitty sends him off with well wishes and a chirp about eating enough protein, which gets Jack to snort a laugh.

 

Bitty closes his laptop and places it down beside his bed, then flops back against his pillows. He still has a problem with Jack - or more accurately, about Jack – and it isn’t going away. He isn’t doing anything to make it go away either, but Bitty isn’t thinking about that.

 

He’s thinking about the soft rasping noise from Jack’s playoff beard last year when Jack rubbed it whilst he was thinking about his photo project.

 

He’s lifting his hips to slide down his shorts.

 

He’s thinking about what it felt like against his cheek when Jack hugged him after their win two weeks ago.

 

He’s thinking about how he’d still love to feel it between his thighs, and how that thought hasn’t changed in more than a year.

 

Damn.

 

Now he needs to clean up.


	4. A Massage

Jack is infinitely thankful on a regular basis for the short course he took on sports massage several years ago. It gave him a greater understanding of the stress and strain that he puts his body under when he plays, and he now almost instinctively knows how to soothe his own sore muscles.

 

 

This is the first time that he’s tried it on another person. Well, another person apart from his parents, who wilfully and gleefully submitted as test subjects when Jack asked.

 

 

But Bitty had developed a crick in his neck from a combination of things. A bad line change, then a bad night’s sleep, compounded by falling asleep in a contorted position on the bus back to Samwell. He’d woken up this morning looking utterly miserable, ate breakfast, showered, and then went to class without a single change in that expression.

 

 

So Jack, being the captain, took pity. He got Bitty to change into his tank top and sit backwards on one of the kitchen chairs, relaxing as best he could against the wood, and – using a bit of hand cream Bitty found from somewhere – Jack starts to methodically work on Bitty’s shoulders.

 

 

He’s aware that Bitty is turning red, he can see the blush rising at the back of Bitty’s neck, and he worries that he’s hurting him and Bitty’s not telling him.

 

 

But Jack feels the knot of tension under Bitty’s collarbone give, and Bitty suddenly relaxes against Jack’s hands. Jack hears the softest sigh that Bitty lets out and he begins to change tack, massaging now more for comfort than for targeting injury.

 

 

He counts freckles, takes more cream, and enjoys the feeling of Bitty under his hands.


	5. A Nap

Shitty is elbow deep in hot dishwater when Lardo tugs his sleeve and then hands him the dishtowel to dry his hands.

 

“What’s happening brah? I’m not finished yet.” Shitty asks.

 

Lardo grabs his arm and pulls him towards the den, saying, “You gotta see this, trust me.”

 

“Has Rans finally killed Holster over Mario Kart?” Shitty guesses.

 

“Nope, better.” Lardo says, smiling as they step into the den.

 

Jack is collapsed on one of the new armchairs, legs askew and head tilted back, snoring softy.

 

Bitty is curled up on his lap, his face pressed into Jack’s neck, and one hand clenched in Jack’s thanksgiving sweater. Just visible is the edge of the “Kiss The Cook” design on the apron that Shitty had bought him.

 

Lardo pulled out her phone, lining up a picture. “So, bro, d’you think they finally took our advice?”

 

Shitty leans on the back of the new couch, watching them with soft eyes. “Probably not, but keep the photo for the wedding album, kay?”


	6. A Whisper

Jack knows that he sleeps awkwardly, rolls about too much, and is usually much too large for the single beds in the house. So, as a result, he didn’t tend to take partners back to his single that often. If at all, considering the chirps that would fly in the morning.

 

His King in Providence allows him to stretch out, but he hasn’t shared it with anyone yet.

 

But, despite it all, he still agreed to share with Bitty. He knew he’d regret it, that Bitty’d regret it in the morning, and that he probably wouldn’t be invited back to stay over with him in the Haus again.

 

The thing between them is still very new, untested and untried. Bitty was soft under Jack’s hands when they finally kissed each other last night, and sharing a bed caused Jack to worry that Bitty’d feel pressured to move faster into their relationship.

 

But what actually happens when Jack wakes mortifies him. He’s aware that his feet are cold, sticking out from underneath Bitty’s comforter, and he’s spread out flat on Bitty’s small bed. He has a moment of panic where he thinks that he’s kicked Bitty out of the bed, before he notices the small huddle of warmth at his side.

 

He lifts the comforter and sees Bitty, curled up in a ball against the wall by Jack’s side.

 

“ _Oh non, non_ ,” he whispers, reaching out for Bitty. “ _Fait pas ça, s’pas confortable.”_

He carefully unwinds Bitty and drapes him across Jack’s chest, Bitty’s face curled into Jack’s neck, and Jack’s nose in his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> French = "Oh no, no." "Don't do that, that's not comfortable."
> 
>  
> 
> Many thanks to Dazeli for the Quebec French help!


	7. A Moan

Jack is out in the reading room, looking over his thesis feedback when he hears it.

 

Unmistakably a moan.

 

It’s soft, and Jack could easily discount it, except he hears it again. And again.

 

He can’t move, the creaking of the porch roof would draw too much attention to him.

 

He thinks he can hear the person breathing now, short and sharp, between the moans.

 

He imagines himself in the same position, on his back, touching and hands moving quickly.

 

He swallows hard and pushes his burning cheeks into his hands, again he debates just moving back into his room and letting the other person know that he’s there.


	8. A Love Bite

Lardo is stuck doing a Calculus class in her final semester to make up her credits for graduating. She can just remember Jack’s smug face last year, telling her that he could take that photography class because he’d already made up all of his credits and had the time. She dumps her textbook down on the desk and flumps into her seat. Stupid, smug, good-at-planning Jack.

 

He’d probably selected his classes specifically to avoid this awful Monday morning monstrosity that Lardo was forced to take.

 

At least there’s a small positive with this class, she gets to take it with Bitty. Bitty, who usually brings breakfast, and Lardo supplies the coffee.

 

Bitty, Lardo realises, is running late. He got back from Providence late the previous night, and barely makes it in time for the seminar, and – to add insult to injury - didn’t bring anything to eat. He’s flustered, distracted, and looks more than a little exhausted. He shifts in his seat, and Lardo notices him blushing deeply again, hiding his face in his coffee cup quickly.

 

Thankfully Lardo is able to cover for Bitty, and they get out of the seminar in one piece.

 

On the walk to the dining hall, Lardo just waits. Bitty’ll have a good reason for acting strangely, and he’ll tell Lardo eventually. She guesses that it’s related to his visit to Providence, but waits until he’s sitting down in the dining hall again, blushing deeply again once he’s perched carefully in his seat.

 

“So…” she begins, “you gonna tell me what’s up bro?”

 

Bitty’s breath hitches on his next inhale, and he buries his face in his hands, a trapped expression on his face. “No.” He whispers from behind his fingers.

 

“Bro,” Lardo says, worried, “did something happen on the way to class, do I need to go beat someone up?”

 

“NO!” Bitty yelps, looking up. “It’s nothing at Samwell.”

 

“Soooooo…” Lardo drawls, “It’s something outside of Samwell?” She asks, fishing. “Something… possibly in Providence?”

 

Bitty hides his face again, but nods quickly. “Nothing bad, I swear!”

 

Lardo mentally fist pumps, but keeps her voice level, “Soooooo…” she leads, “it’s something good, that happened probably when you were in Providence.”

 

Bitty squeaks slightly, and leans forwards to bury his face in his arms on the table in front of him, and nods again, shaking the whole small table with the movement.

 

Lardo looks at the puff of blond hair sticking out over Bitty’s folded arms and asks, “Are you gonna make me ask it bro?”

 

Bitty trembles and then says firmly, muffled, “Lardo, I’m not giving you deets.”

 

HOLY SHIT. Lardo crows in her head, she needs to text Shitty ASAP, they need to do a victory dance together. “S’alright.” She says, cheerily. “It’s at least nice to know why your butt is so sore this morning.”

 

Bitty looks up, scandalised. “No!” He squeaks, “We didn’t do that!”

 

Lardo waggles her eyebrows at him and says nothing.

 

Bitty huffs again, and presses his face into his hands again, before saying very softly, so softly that Lardo has to lean in to hear, “I have a hickey on my inner thigh and it’s very distracting.”

 

People two tables over jump as Lardo throws her head back and crows with laughter.


	9. The First Kiss

Jack expects their first kiss to happen in the kitchen at the Haus. For them to be cooking together, and for the perfect moment to happen, for the light to be right, and for Jack to catch Bitty’s arm and pull him close. He knows that Bitty’ll smell like baking, and probably taste like fruit and sugar, and it’ll be warm and soft.

 

If not the Haus, the kitchen, then at Faber. With sunlight streaking the ice, and Bitty’s high laughter as he speeds away from Jack again. It’d be so easy to catch him, and hold him.

 

He expects that, all the way up until Bitty graduates. All the way up until the point when Bitty doesn’t exist in that kitchen, on that ice anymore.

 

It hurts Jack more than he realises, with the Falcs heading into the playoffs, but he pushes it aside, and tries not to think of Bitty at his parent’s home in Georgia. So, so far away.

 

They still text and skype, in contact practically every single moment of the day, but Jack holds off in asking him to visit again, knowing how far it is for Bitty to travel. But Jack misses him like a real sharp ache, growing more painful with each passing day. He knows he’ll buckle soon, ask him and even pay for him to come up.

 

But, as he stares at his ceiling one evening, he doesn’t know where he’ll kiss Bitty. It’s all up in the air, muddled together.

 

He picks up his phone and stares at the selfie that Bitty took of them at Bitty’s graduation, and sees the infatuation reflected in his eyes, and wonders if Bitty can see it too.

 

Jack jumps as his doorbell rings, drops his phone to the bedcovers and pulls himself out of bed to go answer it.

 

Be doesn’t expect Bitty at his door, on the stupid doormat that Shitty bought him, looking steeled and determined and reaching up to pull Jack down to him.

 

He doesn’t expect it, but he’s okay with the change.

 

Quite okay with it, if he’s completely honest.


	10. The Last Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry
> 
> The "implied/referenced character death" applies to this chapter. Be warned.

The last time he kisses Bitty, Jack doesn’t realise that it’s the last time.

 

The kiss is part of their morning routine now, Jack’d grab his stuff together and turn on the coffee maker before his shower, and Bitty’d prep whatever they’re eating before they swap places in the shower. Their morning kiss usually happens in the bathroom, sometimes with Bitty placing his lips on Jack’s spine under the spray, sometimes with Jack looming over Bitty and dripping water on him, but sometimes it falls in between the two.

 

But that morning, Bitty’d caught Jack just as he got out of the shower and moved into kiss him. Nothing was untoward until Bitty didn’t step away, until Bitty twined himself closer to Jack and made that soft sound in his throat that Jack loves.

 

“I love you so much,” Jack’d said.

 

Bitty smiles softly up at him, nudging Jack away from the shower. “I love you more,” he’d replied.

 

Now Jack is coming home from the rink, tired from practice and media work this afternoon, wanting to press his face into Bitty’s neck and…

 

The apartment is quiet.

 

No lights are on, and there’s not a peep coming from the kitchen.

 

Bitty’s bag isn’t by the door, his shoes haven’t tripped Jack up, and his keys haven’t been haphazardly thrown at the keystand that Jack’s mom insisted on getting them.

 

Jack’s hunger and his weariness have been replaced by confusion, he knows that he’s due back after Bitty tonight, but Bitty doesn’t appear to be here.

 

Maybe he’s on the phone to his mom, Jack thinks, and does a quick sweep of the den/dining room, then the kitchen, then the bedrooms, bathrooms and closets for good measure. Then he goes around again, turning on all the lights and asking, “Bitty?” to each room.

 

He ends up in their bedroom, sitting on Bitty’s side of the bed, beside Bitty’s phone charger and phones Bitty.

 

It goes to voicemail. He leaves a message. He sends a text, and then checks Bitty’s calendar for the day.

 

Bitty should be home.

 

Jack stares at his phone again, and feels panic creep into his body.

 

People describe their stomach in knots, twisting and uncomfortable, but Jack’s never experienced that. His creeping anxiety feels like a weight, starting in his throat and slowly dropping down behind his sternum and through his abdomen, ripping as it went.

 

Who do you call when your secret boyfriend is missing, and you don’t know where he could be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trust me, I had something worse planned for this one, you got off easy.


	11. A Surprise Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See endnotes for mild trigger warning.

Bitty sees the picture before he reads the headline. He’d been link hopping after reading a horrendously inaccurate Deadspin article that Coach had linked him, a continuation of their never ending game of “point out the factual inaccuracies”.

 

The homepage had just refreshed, and a new article had been uploaded. And there was the picture.

 

It was Jack, in his post-game shirt and jacket combo, kissing a woman in a Falcs shirt.

 

Bitty’s first thought is _so that’s what Jack looks like when he’s kissing someone._ Followed closely at its heels by _well, it’s not as if I was going to get to experience it first-hand anyway._

 

He feels his stomach sink as he looks at the woman, with her softly-curling brown hair, tilting her face up to meet Jack’s, one hand resting on Jack’s shoulder and the other curled in his shirt. Jack’s hand is raised, moving as if to cup her face, and he looks intense, intent.

 

Bitty feels his stomach twist as he reads the headline: Falconers New Alternate Celebrates The News In Style.

 

He doesn’t click on the article, he just stares at the picture. Just stares at the picture, sinks deeper into his desk chair, and tries clear his head, tries to pretend that he’s not thinking about anything in particular as he stares at the photo.

 

 _It’s too much,_ Bitty thinks, _I need to stop doing this to myself. I really can’t, really shouldn’t’ve expected anything else. I should know better by now._

He skates his fingers across the track pad and pauses to glance at the photo again, before closing the window down and shutting his laptop.

 

He climbs over his bed, opens the window, and steps out into the cold air of the Reading Room. His phone buzzes in his pocket, but he ignores it. It’s gonna be chirps ahoy for Jack for the next while, so Bitty better avoid the group chat for his own sanity.

 

He sits cross-legged on Shitty’s shitty deck chair, and tries to tell himself that Jack’s face isn’t sitting behind his eyelids whenever he blinks.

 

***

 

**SMHT chat**

**Shitty B. Knight**

Brah! What happened? Looked intense!

 

**Justin “Ransom” Oluransi**

Yeah, headline sounded mad heavy, but the article implied she was arrested?

 

**Larissa “Lardo” Duan**

Yeah, assault isn’t something you get to make that kind of headline about.

 

**Jack L. Zimmermann**

Yeah, she got picked up by the police.

It was pretty awful trying to pry her off me.

That photo must’ve been the only one they got that didn’t look like I was about to throw up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild trigger warning for assault?


	12. A Slow Kiss

After the two years they’ve been together, Jack feels like he’s learnt almost everything about how Bitty kisses.

 

How his breath hitches when it’s not enough, how he trembles when he’s so close to the edge, the playful hint when they’ve been teasing each other all afternoon. The slow, closed-mouth kisses when Bitty’s still sleepy in the mornings, he’s barely awake, but he still doesn’t want to waste a moment not kissing Jack.

 

Jack sometimes feels that he could spend a lifetime away from Bitty, but still remember everything about his kisses, and still long for him to kiss Jack again.

 

But this time, it’s a slow kiss. Deep and satisfying, but slow nonetheless. Savouring the moment, but not being overwhelmed.

 

Jack remembers this kiss from before. He remembers it from his last birthday, remembers it from when Bitty was going to suggest he moves in after he graduates, remembers being excited any time Bitty kisses slow.

 

Because Bitty kisses slow when he’s planning something.

 

And Jack can’t wait.


	13. A Drunk Kiss

Bitty has had a lot more to drink than Jack. Even with Jack glaring at Shitty over Bitty’s head as the flask is handed to Bitty, Bitty’d still managed to get his hands on more alcohol than Jack’d thought was safe.

 

Jack knows what happens when younger team mates get too drunk at Spring C.

 

He knows it well, because Jack usually ends up – both literally and metaphorically – cleaning up the mess afterwards.

 

So he tries to get Shitty and Lardo to stop plying the frogs and Bitty with more booze, and plays a careful chaperone role when Bitty loses one of his shoes. He gets Bitty a bottle of water, makes him stand carefully in a safe patch of ground between Jack’s feet, and ignores it when Bitty leans back into him whilst watching the concert. Bitty’s swaying and humming along with the music, it’s to be expected.

 

He ends up piggybacking Bitty back to the Haus, and Bitty acts as a fierce, sunlight-warmed furnace on his back, meaning that Jack doesn’t have to even think about reaching for the hoodie tied around his waist.

 

He gets Bitty back into his room and flops him down on his bed before stepping out to grab some aspirin and more water for Bitty’s bedside table. He’ll need it in the morning.

 

When he gets back to Bitty’s room, Bitty hasn’t moved. He appears to be half-dozing, half passed out, with his fingers snaked into his comforter cover and his final shoe dangling from his foot.

 

Jack sighs and places the things down, before bending over and taking Bitty’s shoe and filthy socks off. He slides an arm under Bitty’s torso and half lifts him, just enough to pull the covers down the bed. He then arranges Bitty in a rough approximation of the recovery position, making sure Bitty’s safe in bed, then fishes out Bitty’s phone from his pocket to plug it into his charger, before pulling the covers over him.

 

“Jack…” Bitty whispers softly.

 

Jack kneels down beside the bed, and strokes Bitty’s hair out of his face before answering softly, “Hey, Bits.”

 

Bitty’s forehead screws up tight before he squints open his eyes, “Jack, ‘m so drunk, why ‘m I so drunk?”

 

Jack smiles, “Might’ve been that fifth mimosa, eh Bitty?”

 

Bitty just looks pained, and whines, “Don’t chirp me Jack, ‘m too drunk.”

 

Jack just smiles and strokes Bitty’s hair more, watching as Bitty sinks happily into the pillows, before saying, “Your phone is right here, call me if you need to, eh?”

 

Bitty opens his eyes, focusses on Jack’s face close to his, and nods.

 

And then, quick as anything and shocking Jack completely, Bitty darts up and softly kisses Jack’s lips. Bitty catches them on a slant, half kissing Jack’s nose, and then flumps back onto the pillows and says, heavily slurred, “You’re m’hero.”

 

***

 

Bitty doesn’t remember it in the morning, and Jack doesn’t want to embarrass him about it, so he lets it go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These drabbles are getting hella long.


	14. A Reunion Kiss

Jack makes it back to Providence from the conference finals feeling both relieved and disappointed. There’s a massive weight of tension lifted from his shoulders, but a deep core of dark feeling in his chest. He feels stupid, because he feels like he can breathe freely for the first time in weeks, but is soon going to be swallowed up by the unmentionable thing rising up his throat at the same time.

 

He should be proud, proud of his team, of their performance, of how hard they fought. They took it right down to the wire and lost 4-3, but all he feels is a weight in his chest that he tries to dispel by thinking of the way Hammy and Coll hugged him when that final buzzer went.

 

He chucks his gear bag into the back of his truck, along with his duffle of personal belongings. He could get a cab back, but he wants to drive a bit to clear his mind. He settles into the seat and turns on the engine, quickly turning off the radio and turning up the air con. It’s a warm night in Providence.

 

The team and staff had all gathered together to have a few drinks in the hotel after the loss, no one feeling like going out, but no one wanted to be alone either.

 

Jack should’ve probably guessed that something was going to be said.

 

But, forgive him, he’d been a bit preoccupied yesterday.

 

He leans back into the cushioning of the seat, smiles softly and pulls out his phone. _No sharing this, right?_ He texts, _But they’re giving me the C next year._

 

He locks the screen and then presses it against his lips in the approximation of a kiss. He then huffs a small laugh, shaking his head. He’d had the A for six months, and now he’s getting the C. He can’t wait to phone his parents tomorrow to tell them.

 

He drops his phone in the centre console, then put the truck into gear and drives out from the arena, still smiling softly, despite the dull feeling of defeat in his chest.

 

***

 

When he gets back to his home – a small place in the suburbs, surrounded by trees, which reminded him so quickly of the Haus when he first saw it – everything is dark and quiet, not a creature is stirring, and the noise of his truck breaks the late night silence completely. He quickly shuts off the engine and steps out into the dark.

 

When he moves to open the back door and pull out his bag, he’s stopped by a hand on his hip. He imagines in a split second that he can feel the heat of that palm sinking down into his skin, and he closes his eyes before turning around.

 

He doesn’t see Bitty, but he feels him tuck himself securely into Jack’s arms. He smells his shampoo in his nose, and Jack feels something loosen in his chest. Bitty throws off a heat that Jack wants to grab hold of, a warmth that seeps into his bones and dispels any feelings of frozen pain. He’s missed him so, so much.

 

Bitty’s soft hands stroke Jack’s cheeks as he tilts his head down, and Jack opens his eyes to meet Bitty’s. Bitty goes up on his tiptoes and plants a kiss, firm and lingering, on Jack’s lips, before burrowing into his chest and declaring, “I’m so proud of you, so, so proud.”


	15. A Goodbye Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Jack moves into a new apartment before his second season with the Falcs because *waves hand* reasons.)

Jack kisses Bitty goodbye in the kitchen of the Haus.

 

Bitty’d been staying with Jack for the last two weeks, after telling his parents the half-truth that he was helping Jack settle into his new apartment in Providence. It’s true that Bitty was helping him settle, but probably not in the way that Suzanne and Coach Bittle were imagining. Settling for Jack meant watching Bitty cook breakfast in his underwear while Jack admired the view from the opposite counter. Settling meant filling his new apartment with the sights and sounds of Bitty laughing, talking and enjoying himself. Settling meant Jack and Bitty sitting up and discussing hockey, future plans, and possible future plans that included hockey.

 

Settling maybe also meant christening several surfaces, but they were definitely not telling anyone about that.

 

So Jack had dropped Bitty back to the Haus, bags all packed and stored in Jack’s trunk, all ready for his senior year and his stint as the Samwell Men's Hockey Team captain. Jack wasn’t denying that he was trying to extend the amount of time he got to spend with Bitty, he’d gladly admit that he wanted to eke out what little time they had left with some more domesticity.

 

So they went and bought groceries, bought Bitty a new bedspread, and returned to the Haus to unpack and cook dinner.

 

It was weird for Jack to be back. Things had changed, the couch was gone and replaced with something with a washable cover, and the kitchen table had been moved to make more floor space. But it was still the Haus, it was still the kitchen, and Jack still got to watch Bitty move, cook and bake just for one more afternoon. So he appreciates it for what it is, despite the changes.

 

Jack stands and dries as Bitty washes the dishes, discussing the new frogs and old frogs, changes to practice times that Bitty was going to need to make, and jokes about how Jack was going to cope with his new five minute walk to the Falconers rink. How is he going to be the grumpy captain if he can now get more sleep?

 

Jack just swats Bitty with the damp towel.

 

Which leads to Bitty attempting to retaliate with the remaining bubbles from the sink.

 

Which leads to Jack avoiding Bitty’s hands and darting in for small kisses to Bitty’s nose, cheeks and chin.

 

Which leads to Jack getting bubbles in his hair as Bitty folds himself into Jack’s arms for a proper kiss.

 

Jack slides his hands down to cup Bitty’s ass and lift slightly, and Bitty gets the silent message to jump into Jack’s arms. Jack then moves him over to settle him carefully on the counter beside the cooker, before stepping between his spread legs and getting back to kissing him soundly.

 

But they soon slow down, breathing into each other’s space, and pressing noses together like they want to meld themselves closer.

 

“I need to go.” Jack breathes against Bitty’s lips.

 

Bitty nods, rubbing their noses together, “I know.”

 

“I’ll be back in a few weeks?”

 

“You’re always welcome in this Haus.”


	16. A Doomed Kiss

Bitty knows that Jack doesn’t blame him, he knows that it isn’t his fault, he knows that Jack kissed him first, and that Jack essentially started everything.

 

But he also knows that he kissed Jack back, stepped close into Jack’s space and pressed himself against him, clenched his fingers into Jack’s shirt and tilted his head up for more. And Jack had obliged. Enthusiastically.

 

They both knew it was a stupid place to do it, and that of all the places they could choose, of all the times, they knew that a first kiss here was going to be a dangerous occurrence. But Bitty doesn’t think that he’s been imagining the looks that Jack has been sending him all weekend, he hasn’t misinterpreted Jack’s signals, they’ve finally been on the same page.

 

So, no, he doesn’t feel guilty that they kissed. Finally. Repeatedly. At length.

 

He just feels bad that they got caught.

 

By Alicia Zimmermann.

 

In her pyjamas. Drinking a cup of coffee, and sporting a delighted facial expression. A facial expression that signifies massive chirps in the future.

 

Bitty knows, because Jack obviously learnt that expression from his mom.

 

Bitty is doomed, he’s never going to live this down.


	17. A Frightened Kiss

Bitty straightens the collar of Jack’s shirt, avoiding Jack’s gaze. It’s a nice shirt, a light, sharp blue; a colour that complements his eyes. Jack had asked his opinion before selecting it for today, and Bitty had emphatically said that he needed to wear the suit he’d worn for Lardo’s show. Bitty’d dreamed of Jack in that suit. Well... of Jack’s ass in those suit trousers mainly. Jack laughed when Bitty had admitted that, and asked if it would really be a good idea to distract Bitty that much.

 

So Bitty is holding his tongue.

 

Mainly because he needs to stop himself from licking his lips almost as much as he needs to not say something about Jack’s ass. They really don’t need another setback today. They’d already wasted enough time in bed that morning.

 

Jack catches his hands, pulling them together between his, stroking Bitty’s fingers with his own, his calluses rough against Bitty’s knuckles. Jack pulls them up to his lips, and closes his eyes as he brushes a kiss on the back of each hand. “Are you worried?” Jack whispers against his skin.

 

“Almost as much as you, I’d guess.” Bitty says, looking up at the little crease between Jack’s eyebrows.

 

“Good,” Jack says, smirking slightly, “because I’m terrified.”

 

Bitty huffs happily in response, gripping Jack’s hands back reassuringly. “My mother already loves you, and Coach probably more than tolerates you already.”

 

“ _Tolerates.”_ Jack says, mock-mortified, leaning down to brush his lips against Bitty’s before moving back.

 

“You’ve met both of them already, you’ve skyped with my mom when you needed that recipe.” Bitty reminds him, then his face softens as Jack’s hands tighten on his. “But you’re allowed to be worried.” He reaffirms.

 

“I know.” Jack sighs, “It’s silly, but I’m still worried about meeting them properly. I mean, as your boyfriend. At your graduation. Without you there for the whole time.”

 

“You’ll have Shitty and Lardo there.”

 

Jack looks pained, “But I won’t be able to call him Shitty.”

 

Bitty slides his hands up to cup Jack’s face, and pulls him down for a kiss, laughter on his lips, before saying, “I know, it’ll be hilarious.”


	18. A Cute Kiss

Jack at least tries to look a little embarrassed when Georgia slaps the paper down in front of him.

 

“It’s… a nice photo?” He tries, failing to hide his small smile.

 

George just huffs a breath out and rubs her eyes with a hand.

 

“It’s good publicity for the team?”

 

George just looks up and glares at him, before saying tightly, “I just don’t know why you thought it was a good idea to kiss and nearly dip your now not-so-secret boyfriend on centre ice. Right after the Stanley Cup win.”

 

Jack just smiles and shrugs, picking up the paper. He stands with his previous assessment, it is a nice photo. “The rest of the guys didn’t seem to mind.” He says softly, staring at Bitty’s smile, then back up at George.

 

George just grimaces, “Yes, well… some of them won money in what _was_ the Falconer’s longest running betting pool.”

 

Jack just sniggers softly, not even surprised. “How much did you lose, George?”

 

“ _A lot.”_ She says, sighing dejectedly. “Why didn’t you just wait for your cup day?”

 

“Well, heat of the moment.” Jack pauses, then says slyly, “At least I didn’t propose.”

 

“That would have been _worse_.”

 

“That's nice to know.”


	19. A Kiss Below the Waist

Bitty can hear Jack speaking on the phone, a soft, low lilt, speaking Québécois, most likely to his dad about the game last night. He can’t understand, so instead of distinguishing the individual words, he decides to slip further down into the soft pillow and attempt to doze a little longer.

 

But the pillow is too warm; Bitty is too warm, despite having worn nothing to bed. So Bitty flips the pillow to get his overheated cheek on the cooler side, and starts shuffling the comforter down from his shoulders to his waist.

 

Sadly, he’s now more awake due to his shuffling and turning. He can still hear Jack talking, so he concentrates on that. He concentrates on the tumble of Jack’s words, the underlying tone, the impatience and quiet joy as he talks about the previous day. Bitty picks out words that he knows, words that are the same between the two languages, plus words that he’s been picking up from Jack for three years (Jack talks in Québécois as he tapes his stick before games, and Bitty’s been unconsciously taking note). He smiles slightly as he recognises Jack talking about his power play goal last night, and the team mates he got assists with.

 

Bitty startles a little as Jack shifts back to lean against the headboard of the bed, which creaks ominously under the pressure. Both sounds were a lot closer to his head than he’d realised.

 

He cracks his eyes open, adjusting to the dim light of Jack’s bedroom. It feels early, but not pre-dawn, so Jack’s probably just woken up at his usual 7am and phoned his dad while he waited for Bitty to wake up. He startles at how close he is to Jack, his face bare centimetres from Jack’s thigh.

 

He looks up at Jack now, and sees Jack gaze down at him fondly, eyes crinkling at the edges as he smiles. It fills Bitty with an immeasurable warmth whenever Jack looks at him like that, like Bitty is one of the most important things in Jack’s world. Since Bitty’s noticed it he’s been torn between wanting to show the world (inasmuch as they can show the world) how happy Jack is, (how happy he can be, how his happiness is more than the ice, more than hockey) and wanting to keep Jack’s happiness for himself, to be savoured, locked away and held deep in Bitty’s chest. That look is for Bitty and Bitty alone.

 

But he doesn’t tell Jack that, not yet.

 

What he does do is scoot up the bed slightly, fold the pillow more securely under his head, and move closer to Jack. He glances up at Jack again, still on the phone, and then runs his nose lightly up Jack’s outer thigh. He feels the crisp hair under his nose, moving to smooth skin, and then over the slight bump of the mole that Jack has on the juncture of his thigh and hip. He can feel Jack staring at him, but he knows Jack's on the phone to his dad, so Bitty isn’t going to do anything else but rest here and enjoy the smell of Jack’s skin.

 

The moment Jack says goodbye, Bitty raises his eyes to Jack’s and places a slightly open mouthed kiss, warm and wet, on Jack’s hip.


	20. A Confession

Bitty may have found Jack’s first season with the Falcs difficult, but his second was steadily becoming much worse. Jack was now the captain, and Bitty understands how much it means to him, so he’s willing to support him in any way Jack needs. But it’s also his Senior year, he’s made captain too, and he’s got his own thesis to write. And Bitty still hasn’t developed Jack's herculean work ethic.

 

He tries to text Jack as often as he can, skype as often as he can, but they’re both tired, always so tired. He goes down to Providence frequently, but he’s studying as much as he’s socialising, and he and Jack seem to discuss plays more often than other topics.

 

And Bitty isn’t anything other than a friend to Jack. A great friend, but still just a friend. And now everything is looking so much more one dimensional, now that they’re being pulled apart, pulled in opposite directions by obligations. They're focussing on what they do, not what they are to each other.

 

Post winter break, he and Jack talk. Both the Falcs and Samwell are going to be pushing hard for their respective playoffs, and Bitty has his thesis, and his finals. They can’t afford to be stretched too much, so they plan the rest of the year. They’ll see each other once a month, Bitty will come to a Falcs game, or Jack will come to Samwell, and when they spend time together they’ll focus on the two of them. It feels regimented, unspontaneous, to Bitty. Nothing like the way their friendship previously felt. But he needs to be strict with himself, he needs to finish his degree and try a final push with the Samwell team, and he also needs to spend time with Jack.

 

They’ll try, Bitty thinks.

 

Jack misses Samwell’s first home game of the semester due to an unexpected injury. He’s fine, doesn’t miss more than one game, but he’s told he’s not allowed to travel. He and Bitty have a post-game skype as the kegster rages downstairs.

 

Bitty makes it down for one of the Falconers Saturday home games the next month, but Jack gets caught up in post-game interviews and is completely exhausted from overtime and a shootout. By the time they get back to his apartment he's dead on his feet. Bitty makes them some food, and Jack apologises profusely when he falls asleep on the couch.

 

They go to brunch the next day before Bitty’s bus back. It’s lovely, but there isn’t enough time, there’s never enough time. They both smile sadly at each other after they hug goodbye, recognising the problem, but unable to address it, unable to put it into words.

 

Bitty gets back to the Haus that evening, plugs his phone into charge, gets ready for bed, lies down and allows the tears to leak out silently onto his pillow. Friendship isn’t supposed to be this hard, he thinks, before wiping his eyes, rolling over and trying to get to sleep. He doesn’t think about how it isn’t just friendship for him, how it hasn’t been just friendship for a long time.

 

***

 

**Jack Zimmermann (captain)**

I’m sorry about this weekend. 6.12am

I’m sorry about the last six months, really. 6.14am

I miss you more than I think I know how to put into words. 6.25am

And I don’t know what to do about it. 6.35am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bitty totally still has Jack's number down as the team captain in his phone.
> 
> And Jack is finally getting the hint. FINALLY.


	21. A Request

Bitty is coming back from Georgia - and flying into Providence, not Boston - earlier this year. He’s already shipped all of his excess baggage to Jack’s apartment earlier in the week, and Jack has confirmed that he’d received all of Bitty’s travel information and would be waiting at the airport to pick Bitty up.

 

“I’m really sorry Jack.” Bitty says, miserably, staring out of the window and into the rain lashing at the glass. “I’m not going to be there at six, it’ll probably be closer to eight or nine before we even get on the plane.”

 

“Bits…” Jack breathes softly, then asks, “Are you safe?”

 

“Oh, yeah, of course.” Bitty says, watching the cloud-darkened sky flash bright for a moment, then he blinks to clear the afterimage from his eyes. “It’s just an awful thunderstorm at the moment. I’m not afraid of lightning.”

 

“You’re braver than most, Bitty. Braver than me.”

 

Bitty just puffs a sigh in response, wanting Jack there with him now, wanting to hold him close and breathe into his neck. Wants to be wrapped up in Jack’s arms, safe and sound.

 

“Just tell me when you’re due back, okay?” Jack asks, “Any time of day or night, I’ll drive and pick you up in Boston if I need to too.” He pauses, then continues hesitantly, “As long as you’re coming home, I’ll be there to get you. You just need to tell me, and I’ll be there for you.”

 

Bitty bites his lip against the upwelling of emotion in his chest. It’s been a long few weeks in Georgia, and Bitty has missed Jack something fierce. “Oh, honey…” he murmurs softly. “I’m coming back soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter tomorrow, I'll be writing it up on the train home for Christmas!
> 
> (It's post-midnight here, I'm not attempting it tonight...)


	22. A Promise

As long as Jack can remember, he’s always felt uneasy about certain things. At first, when people started asking him questions about his peewee hockey league he’d been happy to answer, until he’d noticed someone laughing at him. It made him feel unhappy, queasy about hockey for the first time ever. He hated that someone else had made him feel like that about something he loved. He spoke to his Mama about it, and she said that he didn’t need to say anything that he didn’t feel comfortable saying.

 

That’s the first time Jack learnt to answer certain questions with a short, sharp, “I’m not answering that.”

 

It upset him how often he’s had to give that answer over the last twenty years, and that he had to learn that statement at all.

 

The second thing that makes him uneasy is crowds. Lots of eyes on him, lots of people looking at him. It's easy on the rink, with the glass separating everything, but elsewhere it's hard. He can lessen the feeling if he has his back to a wall, if he’s near a door, or if he’s with a friend or someone he trusts. Later on he discovers that he can push the feeling down (away, deeper) with the application of alcohol, and then later pills. He stands with his back to the wall, Kenny at his side, alcohol in hand and tablets rattling in the bottle in his pocket, and he could almost convince himself that everything is fine, that he’s normal, that he’s fitting in.

 

It isn’t, he isn’t, but he doesn’t learn that until much later, far too late to save everything. He learns it along with phrases like _“unhealthy coping mechanisms”, “social anxiety”,_ _“panic attack”,_ and finding out how difficult recovery actually is _._

 

He still finds comfort in his friends, which he was encouraged to pursue during and after therapy, but Jack realises that his true friends are few and far between, if not non-existent, because he’s pretty sure that a peewee hockey team and his mother don’t count.

 

The third thing that makes him uneasy are promises.

 

The number of those he’s broken over the years, he dreads to think.

 

_Tell me if you’ve hurt yourself, promise?_

_Promise you’ll tell me if they say that again._

_\- Please tell me if your anxiety gets bad while you’re away. – I promise I will_

 

More than that, the number that people have made promises to him because of his surname, only to drop them later when they became inconvenient.

 

_I promise I’ll pick you up if you need it, I’d do anything for you Jack_

_I promise, this is some good stuff_

_I love you, I promise I won’t tell anyone_

 

He doesn’t know what promises he’s made Kenny, what promises he broke when he was medicated. But he’s still got that raw cut-glass feeling in his stomach when he’s around him. That feeling that he only gets when a promise is broken, so Jack figures he broke at least a few.

 

He has no idea how Bitty figured out everything that makes him uneasy, because they’ve barely talked about it, only touched on certain things. But he guesses that he’s never had someone like Bitty in his life before, so he has no reference point.

 

When he’s antsy and uneasy, pre- or post-game, with media attention or lots of fans, Bitty can handle him. He redirects, doesn’t pressure Jack, and doesn’t ask him questions. He just lets Jack settle and bustles off to do his own thing, but still stays close enough if needed.

 

When Jack comes back to himself there’s usually one of Bitty’s maple flapjacks and a drink of some sorts (Jack doesn’t know how Bitty knows what drink he wants, but he hasn’t got it wrong yet) sitting within arm’s reach. Bitty usually appears soon after, like he can tell Jack wants to engage again.

 

When he thinks of crowds and Bitty, he realises that Bitty has had that down since the kegsters in the Haus. He sees what Bitty does for him the first time they went to a small gathering of Falconers players as a couple, surrounded by people George assured him he could trust.

 

(He hates that he can’t take Bitty to any official NHL events. They’d be so much easier with him at his side.)

 

Bitty stands with Jack, back to the wall, engages people in conversation, and provides a counterpoint to the noise of the room for Jack. He allows Jack to be closer to the door, and lets Jack decide if they need to leave. Jack feels bad that he essentially controls Bitty’s socialising when he’s with him, but Bitty has his own life, separate to Jack, and he tells Jack about it when Jack asks. Jack tries not to feel bad about it, and that’s all Bitty asks.

 

And, that’s it. That’s all Bitty does. He just asks. He doesn’t make Jack promise anything. Sure, he makes promises to Jack. Promises that he’ll make dinner, promises that he’ll come and pick Jack up after the end of a roadie, (jokingly) promises that he won’t tell Jack’s parents about the bad habits Jack has picked up. Bitty makes him so many promises, little, large and in between.

 

And Bitty’s never broken a single one.

 

And Jack’s never made a single one back.

 

Jack really doesn’t know what he did to deserve Bitty, doesn’t know what he’d do without him, can’t imagine how he’d survive without him. He’s built Bitty into his life, and it feels to him like he’s given little back.

 

Bitty lives in his apartment with him, has his own job and his own car, makes food to Jack’s strict meal plan, and comes to Jack’s games to cheer him on. And that’s it. Publically, they’re friends - even if Jack feels like their relationship is one of the worst kept secrets in the league. Privately, Jack tells him he loves him every day, tells him he’s so happy with him, that he doesn’t know what he’d do without him there, that Bitty is so important to Jack.

 

Every time he thinks that Bitty deserves better than him, he stops himself and has to mentally tell himself otherwise. Bitty told him that he chooses to be with him, that he wants him, and that’s that.

 

Or, it is externally. Jack knows how essential Bitty is to his life, but he doesn’t think he’s anywhere near as important to Bitty. Internally, Jack wonders sometimes if Bitty wouldn’t be just as happy without him. With an openly visible relationship, with someone who can hold his hand - even kiss him - in public.

 

Jack’s hands get clammy when he thinks that. But he’s unsure whether it’s over kissing Bitty in public, or Bitty kissing someone else.

 

They’re visiting Montreal when he realises what he needs to do.

 

Bitty is talking with his Mama, planning dinner for that night. They’re both beautiful, bright, caught in a ray of sunshine at the end of the breakfast bar that Jack is nursing his coffee on. Jack is catching himself again on how important Bitty is to him, when he meets his Mama’s laughing eyes and makes a profound realisation. Bitty is important to her too. Not in the same way as he is to Jack, but important nonetheless. Mama would miss Bitty too.

 

He slides his eyes away from his mother’s, and back down to his coffee. He starts thinking of a list of people who’d miss Bitty, who’re important to him, with his name at the top.

 

Bitty tells Jack that he’s enough regularly, that he loves him, that he’s happy and that he wants to be with him. Jack’s only now just realising that the ball is in his court, and that it’s up to him to make the next step.

 

He needs to start making some promises to Bitty, but first he needs to start making them to himself.

 

He promises that he’ll speak to George about PR next week.

 

He promises that he’ll come out as soon as is feasible.

 

He promises that he’ll propose to Bitty by the end of the year.

 

They both deserve it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas guys! This one kinda got away from me.


End file.
